The pumpkin beer “season” seems to expand every year. This is a troubling trend.

Like a weed, or a virus, it seems otherwise normal beer drinkers are being infected at alarmingly larger and larger numbers, helping to expedite the availability of this most vile type of flavoured beer.

This is the time of year that I most love and most dread when it comes to craft beer. Weather is getting cooler and it is harvest time, so beers like harvest ales or fresh hop brews begin to pop up. They signal a change, where darker, maltier, heavier beers become more prominent. Soon it will be stouts and porters taking the main stage in the beer fridge. I really look forward to this change.

But then there is the pumpkin beer phase. To me, it is akin to having an asparagus beer season in May, or a broccoli beer season in July or August. Why don’t those exist? I actually enjoy those vegetables more than pumpkin. So why does pumpkin beer even exist?

I know I am not alone in my hatred towards pumpkin beers. It is the most divisive style of beer around, I believe. Sure, some beer nerds can stand behind the pumpkin beer wagon, citing how it has been a style of beer for nearly 250 years, but I’d argue it should have died off long ago.

Over the years I have tried many, many pumpkin beers in an effort to try to appreciate them. But no. It does not happen. Each year I am left wondering why I wasted money and taste buds on these horrendous concoctions.

For those who are also tricked into drinking these beers each year, I give you the following Pumpkin beer reviews, so you know just how bad they are. Read them as a reminder next time you feel tempted.

On a good note, the dreaded pumpkin beer season is also a time of year I tend to take a month off of drinking beer. Sometime between September and November I’ll take a health break and when the market is saturated by pumpkins, it makes it a lot easier to stop drinking!

Even if you sugar coat the pumpkin beer with a massive dose of cinnamon, nutmeg, chocolate, brown sugar, allspice, anise or pretty much any other flavour agent, it is still going to be gross. That whole lipstick on pigs thing, you know?

Because of my lack of desire in drinking pumpkin beers, I must say that I “accidentally” aged some for more than a year, simply because I didn’t want to drink them. These beers are not meant to be aged, but I will say they tasted less-gross over time as the pumpkin taste died off, making them more tolerable than some fresh pumpkin beers.

5 Terrible Pumpkin Beers to Avoid

Southern Tier Pumking

I hate the smell of this beer. It’s pure pumpkin. Pumpkin pie, pumpkin mash…spiced pumpkin. Ok, so ya I hate pumpkin, which makes drinking pumpkin beers kind of odd. Usually there is some brown sugar or malts or flavour mix on the aroma that masks the pumpkin enough for me to find it drinkable. Not so with this beer. Pumpkin overload!

For some people that is a good thing – a pumpkin beer that smells like pumpkin pie. It pours with little head and is a deep golden orange colour. After a few minutes it appears totally still, no head remaining at all.

Moving past the aroma, it’s a strong beer this one (8.6%) but the alcohol is mostly hidden by a strong spice profile. Nutmeg, butter, cinnamon and of course pumpkin mix together for a strong flavoured brew. Overall it’s strong on pumpkin, a bit too much for me.

 

Brooklyn Post Road Pumpkin Ale

Expectedly deep orange in colour, it gives off a waft of pumpkin aroma when pouring. Making me cringe before taking a sip.

With a clingy, one-finger head it is lightly spiced, allowing the pumpkin flavour to be prominent. Quite mild overall, and smooth. Tolerable.

Finishes dry and slightly tart, but not acidic. Not good, but this pumpkin beer could have been a lot worse, feel like I dodged a bullet on this one.

McAuslan Citrouelle Pumpkin Beer

I have to admit to drinking this beer on multiple occasions. It was years ago, during a beer phase where I felt ashamed if I didn’t like certain beers that other people said were great. If at first you don’t like it, try and try again! NO…not with pumpkin beers I finally learned.

Caramely and spicey. It screams pumpkin beer and will make you wish for something else, anything else.

Bandido Brewing La Gran Calabaza

I have no idea if the fine folks at Bandido Brewing are going to make this beer again for 2018, but I suspect they will.

When you spend months in the Galapagos Islands, where almost every beer is a watery lager, you begin to crave any kind of new beer taste you can find. So, I enjoyed this pumpkin beer more than I would under normal circumstances, as my beer palate had been suffering prior to this.

If you find yourself in Quito, Ecuador and see this beer, give it a go as it may be the only pumpkin beer in Ecuador, so even if you hate the taste, hooray for the novelty factor!

Great Lakes Saison Dupump

A saison! But with pumpkin. Damnit.

It is a strange combination that works for some beer drinkers. For me, it does not. It may be a step above the usual pumpkin-laced beverage, but even with some Belgian yeasty-spicey flavours to counteract the pumpkin and related spicey flavours, it sucks in the overall grand scheme of beers. Despite the marketing BS on the label, I was once told this beer was simply No Chance with Miranda with pumpkin and spices added. It sounds about right.

Points added for being different, but multiple points deducted for still being a pumpkin beer.

5 More Atrocious Pumpkin Ales Not Worth Drinking

Lake of Bays Pumpkin Ale

Pumpkin beer-loving freaks will enjoy this one, but it wasn’t for me. I only had a sample on my most recent tasting, and that is about the proper serving size for any pumpkin beer.

Some vanilla actually cut through a lot of the pumpkin junk, without making the beer sweet, so that is a good thing. I like Lake of Bays, but their dedication to pumpkin style beers over the years creates a conundrum. If I avoid them from August-October I guess I am safe from the pumpkin invasion?

Burnt Hickory Die Kreuzen

Likely the first, and only, time I will ever visit a brewery and try two pumpkin beers.

That is what I will remember most about Burnt Hickory. I enjoyed their special “Man in the Trees” version of this beer better, but this one kind of left me thinking pumpkin beers were not terrible, simply because all the flavours were so mild and muted.

Dubbed an imperial pumpkin porter, the beer somehow achieved a more sweet malty profile with a hint of liquorice. Unlike how I hate pumpkin flavours, even in beers, I do enjoy liquorice flavour in beer, despite hating black liquorice candy.

Mill St. Nightmare Pumpkin Ale

I had this some time ago, and didn’t take much in the way of notes except to clearly state it was “chewy”.

So, if you like thick pumpkin pie that requires chewing, I guess you’d like this abomination of a beer? Since pumpkin pie is beyond gross as well, saying this tastes like pumpkin pie should turn just about anyone off of it.

Overall I would call this more of a spiced beer than a pumpkin beer though. It clearly falls into the generic pumpkin ale flavour profile – nothing new to see here folks.

Rogue Ales Pumpkin Patch Ale

I do hope to find a pumpkin beer I really enjoy one day, although I fear it will never happen. This one was tolerable, partly because I sat on it for over a year and the flavours all just melded together into a slightly-spiced, minimal-pumpkin flavoured ale.

That’s the way I like my pumpkin beers, with minimal pumpkin flavour! This one was a tad sweet overall, and bit flat. I can’t imagine any pumpkin beer ever tasting better fresh, but hey…

Grand River Highballer Pumpkin Ale

Kind of doesn’t do anything fun.

I mean some pumpkin beers add odd spices, or have a different base beer instead of your typical ale. This is just an ale, with pumpkin and related spices added.

It has a pretty strong pumpkin aroma that wafts out at ya when you open it up, so that pretty much sets it up for disaster in my books. While sweet, its from the malts more than anything. Needs more spice, more body and less pumpkin!

 

5 Final Crappy Craft Beers Made with Pumpkin

Great Lakes Pumpkin Ale

Sweet and spicey or bland and boring? That is for you to decide, if you dare drink this pumpkin beer.

You can’t go wrong either way. The beer is inoffensive, but if you like nutmeg and cinnamon type spices, you’ll at least like that. Pumpkin flavour is mild in this one, which I obviously prefer. But if you’re craving a bold pumpkin beer, or bold beer at all, it is not this one. It’s kind of lame on flavour, like those cucumber and watermelon beers you see in summer…this is the pumpkin beer version of those.

But hey, lots of people don’t drink beer for the flavour, so go ahead and try this perennial contender for most-consumed pumpkin beer in Toronto.

Renaissance Great Punkin

Smells like pumpkin. Tastes like pumpkin. Seriously, pumpkin is a pretty strong flavour, so why do I torture myself trying so many pumpkin beers that I know I won’t want to ever drink again?

For this beer, I tried it because it was from New Zealand. You know – maybe their pumpkins taste different down there? Nope. They do not. The grossness of pumpkins seems to be global.

One saving grace for this beer was it had a dry, hoppy finish to it which cut out any potential lingering pumpkin flavour. Phew.

Black Creek Pioneer Harvest Pumpkin Ale

What the hell. Uh oh, no head. This beer pours flat and syrupy. Sugary liquid to follow? Yes, indeed.

This pumpkin beer has an overpoweringly sweet, sugary taste of molasses with very little evidence of alcohol or pumpkin flavour.

The finish of the beer does allow some spiced pumpkin taste to linger on the tongue, letting you realize that this is actually a pumpkin brew. Skip this one, unless you like pumpkin syrup.

Shipyard Brewing Smashed Pumpkin

As part of their Pugsley Signature Series, Shipyard releases this seasonal beer each year for any weird people that enjoy drinking liquid pumpkin guts.

It smells like pumpkin pie and nutmeg. It has a deep, dark orange colour to it and at 9% at least you only need to drink one or two to get a buzz, if that is what you’re after. I have no idea what a pumpkin-induced hangover would be like but I can only imagine it would be ugly.

I would say, of the limited beers I’ve had from Shipyard, this is my least favourite. They do make a root beer, which is average as well, so maybe I shouldn’t have had high expectations? (Yes, I often judge a brewery by their root beer).

CAUTION! CONTAINS REAL PUMPKIN!!!

I had this interesting pumpkin beer at a barleywine tasting recently and despite all the efforts, it still came out as a slightly sweet, kinda gross, pumpkin beer.

This one was aged in bourbon barrels with cinnamon and vanilla, and some other spices. If you try hard enough you can pick out the barrel influence and sweetness that rounds out the flavour profile.

Too much effort for lacklustre results in my opinion. Thanks for trying, but even a barrel-aged barleywine pumpkin beer still can’t convince me this style deserves to exist. Kill all pumpkins! Just don’t put them in my beers.

Now can we start talking about pecan pie beers instead of pumpkin pie beers? Because if more breweries released pecan pie beers I would be a happy drinker at this time of year! For those of you who actually do like pumpkin beers, I can say none of these beers would be deemed “bad” by your palate, except maybe the Black Creek beer, but I think I may have just had a bad / too old version of that one.